Top 9 Charlie Hebdo Conspiracy Theories

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1. Attackers had blue eyes.

This rumor would imply that the killers were in fact special forces and that the Kouachi Brothers were patsies. It’s only source seems to be with Caroline Fourest, a writer and television personality with a history of false reporting, defamation, and plagiarism. She often refers to anonymous sources who confirm her contentions that all religious people are evil, particularly white men. 

Shortly after the attack she said, “there is a young journalist, a young contributor to Charlie Hebdo who had a Kalishnikov pointed at her nose and told recite the Koran and I’ll spare you. Then she started reciting lines over and over and he said you have very pretty blue eyes he told me that or very pretty eyes, I forget.”

Conspiracy theorist promoting this line cut the clip after “blue eyes.” Because Fourest runs through the sentence very quickly, and because of written cues and preparation before the clip, “he said” becomes “she said,” which means the attacker was not a Kouachi.

Furthermore, she seems to be embellishing the story of the employee who let the Kouachis inside. This employee testified being told, “I will let you live so that one day you may read the Koran.”

There was similar confusion over the first stage of the Mohammed Merah attacks and unverified claims in the media that the attacker had blue eyes. One wonders if that had anything to do with the upcoming Presidential election and rising popularity of Marine Le Pen.

2. The Kouachis shot blanks at the police.

This rumor is based on the armchair forensic analysis of the video of the cop being murdered on the sidewalk. There is no sight of blood after 5 seconds, and there is a puff of dust on the sidewalk when the kill shot is given. The interpretation of these conspiracy theorists is that the bullet hit the sidewalk and the cop was playing dead or that the attackers were shooting blanks.

What we can determine is that this was not a headshot, nor does it seem that the heart or an artery was hit. The visuals are consistent with a shot that would immobilize the victim and eventually be fatal. A live round hitting the pavement would have created debris (there is none in the video).

If this was a blank being fired, are they suggesting that only the cop faked his death and that all of the employees were killed with live rounds? Or have all of them decided to cut links with their family and friends to disappear and assume new identities for the sake of a false flag attack that has no clear return address? Either these theorists (like StormCloudsGathering) are too stupid to understand the implications of this detail, or their goal is disinformation.

3. The attackers’ vehicle had white rear view mirrors, whereas the Kouachis vehicle did not.

The Kouachis did put some forethought into their escape (though their planning was not perfect). It is common practice to cover new cars being delivered to a dealership and cars that have just been detailed with white plastic over spots likely to get spoiled. The rear view mirrors were likely covered with this plastic, which they later removed in order to slow down the police investigation.

However, readers should note that is in fact possible to change the entire color of a car in minutes. The process is called Plastidip. It is sprayed on the car like a regular paint (often with a distinctive matte finish, but not always). Here is a demonstration of how it is removed (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_YPSBzNi14) ^[2].

The Kouachi Brothers undoubtedly studied the Mohammed Merah attacks. Merah painted his helmet and changed the appearance of his scooter in between murdering the paratroopers and the victims at the Jewish day school.

4. Kouachis left behind an ID card, reminiscent of the passport at the WTC.

One of the most ridiculous aspects of the WTC attack was the discovery of an intact passport belonging to a hijacker which was supposedly found in the rubble soon after the attacks. This is another detail that makes this seem like a frame up of patsies who were not involved in the attacks.

In looking at the Kouachi attacks it is clear that they are neither total pros nor total bumblers. It seems like they were comfortable handling their weapons and achieved their objective, but they also went to the wrong address at first and then had a shoe fall out of the car which was retrieved because they planned on changing from their tactical gear into civilian clothes. Also, it was the brother who seems to have received less training who left behind his wallet with IDs in his tactical clothes after he changed out of them.

5. The Jews did it.

While simply answering the question “who benefits?” may be enough in Cairo and Beirut to conclude an investigation, we ought to hold ourselves to a higher standard.

The State of Israel has certainly carried out Black Terror attacks in the past, even those that ostensibly targeted Jews. In my article on “Jewish Demographic Destiny ^[3],” I predicted that Israel would carry out Black Terror attacks in France, which I believe came true ^[4] near Gare du Nord in March 2014.

However, a common theme in Mossad Black Terror plots (both those admitted and those alleged by professional analysts) is that they never plan on killing Jews. At least 7 Jews can be counted amongst the victims at Charlie Hebdo and HyperCacher. That is already more than the number of Israeli citizens who died in the WTC attacks.

As Israel craves citizen-soldiers and Netanyahu needs to shore up support before his upcoming election, they definitely benefit, but no serious person can believe they are behind the attacks.

6. Marine Le Pen did it.

There are several versions of this floating around that either the FN alone, the Gladio stay-behind armies, or a combination of the Gladio paramilitaries and the Mossad (!?) carried out the attacks. This trades on the same “who benefits” logic mentioned above.

The guys who carried out the Strategy of Tension are either very old or already dead. They were also the useful idiots of the DC government in Europe. If this really was a Gladio operation though, wouldn’t they rather have Russophone Ukrainian separatists as the culprits, since containing Russia is the higher priority of NATO right now? Would the attackers at least have strongly agreed on who they work for based on whether the oligarchs want to invade Syria or Yemen?

7. ISIS or Al Qaeda is behind this.

This is basically the official story. However, this explanation has problems of its own. The Kouachi Brothers, who attacked Charlie Hebdo, and Coulibaly, who attacked HyperCacher, claimed that they were fighting on behalf of Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (Yemen) and the Islamic State (Syria/Iraq), respectively. To multiply the confusion about two masters, as it turns out Al Qaeda and IS have broken their alliance (just as Al Qaeda had earlier broken with al Zarqawi).

One of the Kouachi brothers spent time in Yemen several years ago, and there have been reports that they may have made a recent trip to Syria, though details remain scant.

They may have briefly met someone in the Middle East with links to either jihadist organization, but what is beyond a doubt is that their mentor and trainer was Djamel Beghal, a veteran of Algerian jihadism, dating back to the ’90s. Chérif Kouachi and Amedy Coulibaly were in jail with him, and they visited him regularly after he was released to the pastoral landscapes of Cantal.

The three attackers put in a great deal of effort and planning to coordinate attacks with each other, but they couldn’t get their story straight on who they worked for.

8. Lassana Bathily is a “Righteous among the Ummah” who saved the lives of many Jews . . . or not.

Lassana recounted his story to the press that he was working in the basement of HyperCacher when several patrons came down to escape the terrrorist attack. He huddled them into the fridge and turned off the light and the refrigeration before going upstairs to convince the killer not to go downstairs.

The only problem is that he is not even mentioned in the stories of three survivors which were recounted in the Israeli Press from Rudy Haddad, Mickael B., and Yohan Derai and on Europe 1 Radio by Sophie. These accounts have their own variations and technical problems (were the freezers left on or not, did a baby really stay in a freezer at -10 C for 5 hours without getting frostbite, etc.?). But it is clear that Coulibaly did not intend to kill all of his hostages, and Lassana did not save them. Coulibaly killed three initially and only killed a fourth when a hostage tried to grab a gun.

9. The strange end of Coulibaly

The end of the hostage crisis at HyperCacher is the strangest part of this whole affair. In the video, the swat team seems to take no defensive measures while shooting into the store, one of the swat team runs in alone when they knew there were booby-trap bombs inside, the swat team appear to shoot in the direction of each other when Coulibaly jumps out the door, and finally (this must be seen to be believed) Coulibaly appears to be handcuffed when he runs out the door. I am at a loss to explain any of this and invite any expert to explain these bizarre elements.

Amedy Coulibaly abattu les mains menottées ? ^[5] by zapataguevara ^[6]

The version shown on television does not include the frames which appear to show Coulibaly’s handcuffed arms:

Exclusif France 2 : les images du face-à-face… ^[7] by francetvinfo ^[8]

Please stay tuned for the Top Ten Hypocrisies of Free Expression in France