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Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, & Blonde

[1]1,000 words

Author’s Note:

While visiting friends recently, I saw this delightful movie again and thought it worthwhile to dust off my old review

I didn’t expect to like Legally Blonde 2. After all, according to Hollywood, Negroes are wise, noble, witty, and cool. They are cast as doctors, inventors, computer geniuses, judges, even God. But blondes, especially blue-eyed blondes like me — you know, “the Master Race” that Hollywood Jews hate and fear so much — are dumb.

So I was doubly delighted when I found that Legally Blonde 2 is a light-hearted, genuinely funny film that communicates some positive values and relatively few negative ones.

First, there are no dumb blondes in this movie. The adorable Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods is a very smart blonde who turns the dumb blonde stereotype to her advantage: People underestimate her at their own risk.

Second, Elle is the girliest, most feminine woman imaginable, and she takes it all to hilarious extremes. But beyond all the satire, there is a strong message to young women: Feminism is wrong. Women do not gain power by masculinizing themselves. Their real power lies in their femininity. Elle triumphs over all obstacles and marries a big, handsome White guy in the end, always in high heels, and always looking fabulous.

Of course it would be better if brilliant and beautiful White women like Elle did not waste their prime child-bearing years doing trivial things like going to law school, working insane hours in law firms, and getting involved in political crusades. All this gets in the way of far more significant achievements: creating and nurturing new human beings. But as career girl movies go, LB2 is relatively free of feminist claptrap.

Third, LB2 has a positive “message.” The plot centers on Elle’s crusade to free the mom of her Chihuahua, Bruiser, from a cosmetics testing facility. Elle admirably refuses to work in a law firm that will not stand up for the morally right position. Then she packs her bags (I am sure there were about a hundred of them) and heads off to Washington D.C. to get Congress to ban animal testing. And she wins. (Don’t complain about my “spoiling” the film. Did you ever imagine that Elle could fail?)

I am all for banning experimentation on animals. First, it is scientifically unsound, since animals are not identical to humans in the first place, the same chemicals can produce different effects. Second, it is immoral, because it causes suffering to innocent creatures that do not deserve to be tortured and killed merely for our benefit. Third, it is unnecessary, since there is no shortage of humans who can serve as test subjects. Why not perform experiments on criminals and other undesirables? The results would be scientifically sounder, and it would be morally preferable too, since criminals deserve to suffer and innocent animals do not.

Of course to White Nationalists, the animal rights movement seems like fiddling while Rome burns. If only we lived in a country where the biggest problem was springing a Chihuahua from a laboratory! But why worry about white rats when the future of the White race is at stake? I know White environmentalists who are worried about the extinction of every species and subspecies except their own. Still, I agree with the principles of the animal rights movement, if not their priorities. And the animal rights movement can teach White Nationalists something about organizing and activism. I would love to see the day when a White Nationalist organization has as many paying members as PETA.

Fourth, LB2 satirizes the cynicism and corruption of the American political system. It also encourages idealism and public-spiritedness. At the end, Elle delivers a speech encouraging people to speak out when they see evil, to try to stop it, rather than remaining silent and allowing it to continue. Of course these are “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” platitudes. The problem, of course, is that the system is so corrupt that it simply channels polite dissent into dead ends. Today’s Mr. Smith had better show up in Washington with a revolutionary army behind him.

Fifth, LB2 contains remarkably little unhealthy propaganda. Those who support animal testing might feel otherwise, of course. There are some Black extras in Congress — just like in the real Congress. And there is one Black character, an ugly Negress who works on Capitol Hill. But she is not cast against type as a genius or a hero. Instead, she is cynical, rude, and underhanded. Although in the end she helps Elle out, she does so for the wrong reasons. She is no credit to her race. A White conservative Republican from Alabama is first seen being mean to a beggar in a park. But later on, he becomes one of the heroes of the movie, which is very unusual. Another hero is a lady Congresswoman from Texas, who seems like a conservative as well. The main villain, played by Sally Fields, is a congresswoman from Massachusetts who has “liberal” — Hillary — written all over her.

To me, one of the funniest scenes — unintentionally so, of course – is when Elle, disillusioned by politics as usual, goes to the memorial to the loathsome Mr. Lincoln for inspiration.

I am confused by the film’s treatment of homosexuality. When Elle’s Chihuahua and the gentleman from Alabama’s Rottweiler are revealed to be “gay,” the whole thing strikes me as a satire of gay “culture” and therapeutic “coming out” clichés. Or do homosexuals now take themselves so seriously that they do not see the humor in this? Do they really think that the next social barrier to be breached is discrimination against gay dogs? Has my consciousness been raised without my even knowing it? And I have lost count: Are portrayals of flaming queens pro- or anti- gay now?

Legally Blonde 2 is not a great or significant movie, but it is amusing and mostly inoffensive. It is definitely worth your time if you are in the mood for eye candy and some good laughs.