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To a Reluctant Bridegroom

9fahrenkrog [1]1,576 words

Translations: Dutch [2], French [3]Spanish [4], Swedish [5]

Dear X,

After our recent conversation, I decided to write down some of my arguments. Then it occurred to me that your questions and concerns are probably shared by many of your fellow white millennials. So I decided to turn this into an “open letter.”

Like a lot of young, racially conscious white men, you believe that it is important to reverse our race’s demographic decline. Unlike a lot of your peers, however, you actually have a highly attractive girlfriend who wants to get married and start a family. But still you are reluctant. You don’t feel ready. You still feel like a kid yourself, so how can you have your own kids?

White people are highly conscientious and responsible, especially when it comes to bearing and rearing children. Thus whites naturally gravitate to the idea of family planning. It seems irresponsible to us to have children before we are psychologically and financially ready. But there are two devastating problems with this viewpoint.

1. The Psychological Fallacy

When people decide that they will not have children until they are pyschologically ready, they simply don’t feel mature enough to have kids. But this overlooks the fact that having kids is one of the main causes of maturation.

In nature, animals do not want to “have babies,” they want to have sex. Babies are just a side effect of sex. But the reason that babies are not simply abandoned after they are born is that, once we have them, nature makes us want them. “Entrapment” is nature’s way.

It is a well-kept secret, but many women like being pregnant, which is why some suffer from post-partum depression. But even when mothers have hard pregnancies, once a baby is born, the mother is flooded with hormones that make her love and want to care for her baby. Women who abort their children because they don’t “want” them do not understand this basic fact. The solution to unwanted children is not abortion. The solution is simply to want them. And nature will make you want them.

It also stands to reason that once we have children, nature will also make us mature enough to take care of them. And sure enough, there is ample anecdotal evidence that extremely immature men and women virtually grow up overnight when they have another life depending on them. This is the meaning of the saying, “The child is the father of the man”: many boys don’t grow up until they have children. And the same is true for women too. This is the answer to the fashionable female complaint that they just can’t find men mature enough to marry. Marry them first. Quietly flush your birth control pills if necessary. They will “man up” quickly enough when they have to.

Those who delay children until they “want” them often find that they never want them. Those who delay marriage and family life until they “feel ready” for them often find that they never feel ready. Family planning tells us not to do things until we are ready. Nature, however, does not make us ready for them until they actually happen. Therefore, family planning actually destroys the family.

Family planning is particularly destructive when combined with contraception. Nature’s plan is that we want sex until conception occurs. Then nature makes us want the children we produce, and nature makes us mature enough to take care of them. Contraception allows us to have sex without conception, hence many people never get to the point at which they want children and are mature enough to take care of them.

If family planning is the hammer, contraception is the anvil on which family formation is shattered. The family is crushed from above by misplaced conscientiousness and from below by unbridled hedonism.

As an aside, I would like to suggest a hypothesis about the increasing prevalence of personality disorders in genXers and millennials. How did our ancestors, who were smarter than we are (given centuries of dysgenics), make do with the language of the virtues and vices, as well as the humors and temperaments, without requiring a long litany of personality disorders? I want to suggest that in large part, personality disorders are simply a matter of delayed maturation, and that a major cause of delayed maturation is contraception, since before contraception, actually becoming parents was an important spur to growing up. Indeed, in peaceful, affluent, hedonistic, and liberal societies, there are few others.

If you are a racially conscious white man or woman, if you are in a relationship with someone who is definite marriage material, and if you are having sex and using contraception, you are in a very comfortable trap. If you are waiting to suddenly “feel ready” to marry and start a family, that feeling may never come, and you will be wasting valuable time. Generally speaking, the healthiest children are born to mothers in their 20s. After 30, fertility begins to decline and risks of birth defects rise. The biological clock may prompt women to feel ready, or to plunge ahead ready-or-not, long before men, who have no such pressure.

The only way out of this trap is to throw away contraception and see if you can produce life. When a baby is on the way, you will finally feel like getting married, and you will start thinking like a grownup. When the baby is born, you will be mature enough to handle it, and you will continue to grow along with your children. In short, you need to do exactly the opposite of what both religious conservatives and secular liberals recommend. But if the purpose of marriage is to bear and raise children, shouldn’t you know if you can have children before you tie the knot? And once life is conceived, nature will make the rest of the process a whole lot easier.

2. The Financial Fallacy

There is also a fallacy in the idea that it is wrong to have children before one is financially ready for them. If you were unemployed and unemployable, you might not necessarily be the best breeding stock, but the state will take care of your offspring. You, however, are employed, with prospects for significant growth in your income. Yet you think it is not enough to have a family. But is that really true?

First, what is your standard of “enough”? Chances are, it is far more than what your parents and their parents had growing up, and unimaginable luxury by the standards of most of your forebears. You don’t have to give your children an upper middle-class standard of living to give them decent lives. Besides, when they grow up, they would much rather have had brothers and sisters than more toys and vacations.

Second, if you can work harder and earn more, but aren’t yet, perhaps you don’t have the right motivation. Egoism is the common sense of our times, but in truth people work harder when others are depending upon them than if they are just working for themselves. You will work harder and smarter, and better realize your earnings potential, when you have children to support.

Third, when you survey your life at present and wonder how you could afford the time and money to have children, you are assuming that your priorities will remain unchanged, and you will somehow have to fit in a wife and kids. But when you have a family, a lot of the things that are important to you now will no longer matter. Anti-natalists tell you that family life will force you to give up your cherished hobbies and dreams in order to selflessly slave for sniveling brats. In truth, a lot of the stuff you do now will simply seem silly when you see yourself looking back at you in the faces of your children, sniveling or not. Playing video games and goofing around online are not your life. They are what you are doing to avoid having a life. When you get a life, you won’t miss them at all.

Ever since man became self-conscious, he has invented reasons not to have children: ascetic religions, anti-natal philosophies, bourgeois careerism, etc. And there are natural fears that accompany every step forward along life’s path. But the sex drive was always stronger than reason or fear, and so life went on. Contraception, however, has changed everything. Now the sex drive alone is not enough to ensure reproduction. Now one needs reasons. Or at least the intelligent, responsible, and foresighted need reasons. Contraception does not get in the way of the stupid, irresponsible, and impulsive, with obvious dysgenic consequences [6].

Racially conscious white people have every reason they need to reproduce, and as for your qualms: nature will make you ready, once you take the plunge. The fact that you exist today means that countless generations of ancestors, all of whom faced hardships we cannot imagine, somehow got over their qualms and passed the torch of life to the next generation. That torch is in your hands now. You have to decide whether to pass on their gift, or to render all their striving and sacrifice in vain by extinguishing it in the black pond of your well-indulged ego. Stop listening to your fears and listen to nature instead. It is the voice of your ancestors, stirring within you. Throw out your condoms and your bourgeois calculations, trust nature, and get on with life.